Pizookie

A new restaurant went up recently called BJ's (insert sophmoric pun here). They have a rather curious desert called a "pizookie" that consists of a fresh baked cookie and vanilla-bean ice cream piled on top. I had one last night, it was pretty good. The restaurant was uber crowded so me and Michelle (my visiting friend) ate it outside on her car. As I've said before our relationship is very nuanced. I realized at a number if points last night that it would just take me grabbing onto her hand or some other show of physical affection to completly change the nature of our friendship. It really is too bad she's Ba'Hai. I'm sorta relieved that she's leaving soon. It's nice to have her around, but I'm afraid that things might get kinda hairy if we hang out together one-on-one too much..... Weirdness alround......

Reptile Room

I just returned from the NorCal 8th annual reptile convention. It smelled funny. There's the acintic burn of reptile poo, the wet trouser scent of the feeding mice, the spicy tingle of cricket droppings, and the overpowering smell of all the people packed into the convention halls. I think the sort of person that goes to these things is a paticular sorta individual. Alota them looked like they owned harleys, or were old hippies. Damn dirty hippies (fifty points to whoever knows who that's quoted from). I went with a visiting friend and her familly. Her familly is rather odd. Her parents fall into the old hippy catagory. Her dads' sorta a space cadet, he stares off alot and speaks alot through sound effects (like "rawr"). I've known her for a long time though so I know to just sorta ignore her parents oddities. They're nice people overall though.

I'm glad my parents didn't do drugs or anything and are pretty even-keeled. Hanging out with other peoples parents makes me realize how fortunate I am.

I saw alota cool reptiles and had a fun time overall.

Schoolhouse Rocks

Schools starting up again soon. I'm brushing off my spanish, reading up on my notes from last year, and thinking about getting a new backpack (I've had the same one wince I was a junior in highschool).
I really like to learn stuff (except for math*ugh*).
Have any of you 'all ever heard of something called the Bowen Reaction Series? It's this really fascinating scientific law that states that at different temperatures different minerals and compounds seperate out from magma. I find it's amazing that not so little rules like this control every aspect of Earth's natural processes. There's a rule or a law for everything, the way the wind blows, the salinity of the ocean, everything is controlled and guided with precision and purpose. Who really knows what that purpose is though...... History is really the same sorta thing. Everything works together, everything affects the other, everything is in some way connected. The good 'ole cliche "no man is an island" serves it's purpose well. Uncountable actions have taken place to bring us to where we are today. The sheer scope of it is difficult to grasp, understanding is simply impossible. For some reason this makes me happy, what fun would the world be if we understood everything?

Weary/Worn

I'm feeling discouraged. The summer slump is starting to get to me, and school is creeping up. I feel discouraged. I'm really worried about being good enough, being smart enough, being able to handle going to Whaeton if I get in. It's the *if* which is killing me. I hate personal risk.

The whole "babysitting" thing went off pretty well. We hung out alot and just had a fun time doing stuff. My OCD started acting up so I ended up cleaning their house. I spent two hours diving around their toddlers' room, picking up toys and straightening their bookcase and whatnot. It was a MESS. My friend said it hadn't been cleaned in a year, but he was probably exagerating becuase he does that alot. I rather suspect that having to deal with two post-toddler kids is alot of hassle.

I worry about the world sometimes. I realize that I'm completly screwed up in the head like everyone else, but sometimes hearing people talk in the bookstore it makes me fear for the world. If these "educated people" have such horrible opinions and morals and scruples, I don't even want to start onsidering the rest of the world.

I'm trying to memorize bible verses, so far I've got Romans 6:23 down, and am working on John 1 1:9. It's kinda difficult cuz I'm not used to it, but the verses kinda live inside of you and pop up during the day.

Locked in a Trunk

I'm really sunburned.
Yesterday I went to Six Flags Great America and didn't wear sunsscreen 'cuz it's not in my nature to put on stuff like that. Naturally that was a mistake.
There also wasn't enough room in the van we were all carpooling in so I decided, spur of the moments to ride in the trunk space. Dumb, dumb, dumb. There was just enough space for me to curl up on my back and wedge myself inbetween the back chairs and the door. I'm usually pretty good at tolerating discomfort for long periods of time, so it wasn't so bad. But after three hours it got kinda old. And the drive home was'nt any better either.
Right now I'm "babysitting" a highschooler whose a friend from church. He's a responsible sorta guy so I not quite sure why his parents asked me to come over, but he's fine with it and so am I. Anyways..........

Skeletons in the Armoire

Old friends can be trouble. A friend of mine is visiting next week from SoCal (gah...who thinks he's hip?) and I'm going to spend a coupla days with her. I think she's probably the second oldest friend I have. We knew each other for awhile in HS, but it wasn't until we were seniors hat we really started hanging out with each other. I think she's the only person I've met so far who I could see marrying...... But she's Ba'hai, and isn't interested in changing religions. So it's "complicated" when we hang out. I really value the experiences we've shared and stuff, but talking with her and being with her drags up some very uncomfortable feelings. But.... I love her. Not love LOVE, but I like the way I feel when we hang out. She's comfortable to be around, like an old shirt you used to wear every other day because it was your "cool" shirt. But then fashions change and you don't wear it anymore. But sometimes, whenever you need it, the old shirt still in the back of your closet, and it still fits, and it's still comfortable. Our relationship isn't ever going to go anywhere, but strangely enough whenever she talks about having a boyfriend, I start feeling angry and jealous. I chock it up to hormones.... Still, I'm glad she's coming over. We need witnesses to our lives, -----and I can't do this, write some stupid sentimental tripe about friendship.... Friends suck, they know about you at your worst, they have dirt on you, they know your vices and sins............ I miss my friends. I think I have 1...2.....4.... friends. I have a number of acquaintances who I can hang out with if I'm bored, but they aren't my friends. I love my friends. I don't think we admit to ourselves enough that we love things. I know I didn't until I finally pulled my head outa my bum. I'll always love my friends, they'll always have a place at my table (when I get a table that is) till death or the 2nd coming.

To all my friends: I miss you.

Take back the Rainbow

The temperature today was blistering, but as the day progressed a strange thing happened. Clouds began to gather, and one of those rare summer thunderstorms (rare for CA at least) occured. The heat was beaten out of the sidewalks and the air bcame heavy laden with moisture. A rainbow binds the sky to the earth as I write this, and I'm reminded of the Promise that God made way back near the beginning. It helps me feel better about this whole college application thing I'm doing, God has made promises in the past and He's kept them, He'll always keep His promises and the rainbow is a symbol of this.
After thinking about this it's made me sorta pissed off that the homosexual community has adopted something so sacred as the rainbow as their symbol. They claim is was adopted to celebrate "diversity", but it's only one type of diversity they support (their own) and not the whole spectrum of diversity. It irritates me that the rainbow has become effiminate, tainted by associtaion, worn on little thongs on Gay Day parades and as vestements by limp wristed pastors who tout acceptence without having any sort of biblical context. God doesn't accept every sorta lifestyle. He loves people and hates their lifesyles.
God made the rainbow as a symbol of his -unbreakable- -eternal- promises. Humans pervert the things that God has given them. Spiritual gifts languish and are misused, money is misspent, the Bbile is corrupted by men using it for their own means. The rainbow is just another unfortunate casualty in the long history of human perversions.................

............................ These matters aside, a rainbow is a beautiful thing. They make me happy.

A Plague of Moths

I have a moth problem. They're everywhere in my house. I go into the bathroom, they're fluttering around the lights. Go downstairs, they're battering themselves against the windows. I probably kill around 5 a day, their scaley residues are smeared all over the place. I recently discovered where they're all coming from. Cleaning up aeround the house I pushed back an old couch and noticed alota dead moths all over the place. I peered around and noticed a hole in the backing. I got a flashlight and looked inside.
What followed was one of those moments when you realize you're in the wrong place at the wrong time. They were living inside the couch, eating it's innards and reproducing. They're silvery bodies crawled over each other as the light disturbed them, I half expected some sorta Mothra queen mother moth to start screeeching at me or something and go for my neck. Not pleasant at all. But at least I know where they're all coming from....

........ and now on the day after

Huh, my post earlier today doesn't seem to be enitrely lucid or well thought out. Kinda a mindless, sleep-deprived rant. Bugger.

Anywhoos, read the book, thought it to be satisfying. Rowling's weakest character by far is her titular character, Harry Potter. He's very much a cipher, his character serves theme and plot, but I don't necessarily think of him as a person. Ron, Hermione, them I think of as people because they're well developed and are far much more interesting then our forehead scarred hero. Harry doesn't really exist other then to serve the story, I can't imagine him living a life outside of the books, with the other characters I can. And Rowling? Why did you have to start calling him the "Chosen One"? *shudders*

The Madness of the Crowds

I appreciate things that break up my routine. Whether it be a vacation or emergency, I enjoy doing something new or unusual. I am sure, gentle reader, that you have heard of the newest HP book, and that it was released today, about three hours ago. Things like that always have acertain energy too them. Exciting sports games have the same sorta vibe running underneath, they have a current that slides under the skin of everyone participating. Sometims this is a bad thing. One young girl became so excited she wet herself.
I'm not saying HP isn't good, I think it's a wonderful set of books, but it leaves me cold to see people react like they do to such a fleeting thing. I rejoice with them to a certain point, but then it starts feeling an awful lot like worship, and not the good kind. It pains me to see people putting such hope into false things, whether it be some book or any number of things. Thinking of the adoration on some of the younger kids faces in the HP line I can't help but consider the Jr. Highers in my care. I see no spark in their eyes when they worship in church, they seem to be jaded and dead. There was more belief roiling around the bookstore then the belief that is supposed to be at church. I don't deign to know the intentions or emotions of the people around me, but that is what I feel. There's no undercurrent, or spark. I dunno, I may be way off base.......It just worries me, and makes me sad to see an absence of joy at my church....... It is very worrisome.
I need some sleep, been working all day.

Jacked Back

I went home early today from work cuz I jacked my back unloading HP#6. I have some serious misgivings about the level of interest and fervor that this new book is creating. It's just a book. I'm not trying to rag on it or anything, HP is pretty decent, but still. I dunno. It just doesn't seem...... right. It's hard to get people to pay attention to anything these days, but it seems like the more attention is payed to some sorta pop culture event it snowballs. *Frowns and rubs back* It just smells bad.... I can't put my finger on it....... It's like pogs or pokemon..... Mass hysteria over something so silly...... like we're desperate for things...... *Sigh* This is bringing me down... Better think of something else.

*Opens on bleary eye and stares at world*
I must be really tired or something cuz I just slepted Sunday away. Slept 3pm-10pm, going to watch some Homes Movies on CN and then go back to bed. Next week is going to be really long, HP #6 is being released Friday @ midnight (which is actually sat.) and all week work is going to be really busy prepping for what we're expecting to be our busiest business day in the history of our store. 2,000+ preorders, expecting 3,000 plus people to move through the store from (9pm-11pm). Wheeeeee.
I just had this funky dream about this girl I'm sorta dating. We were hanging out at her house and she kept on offering me pasta. Weird.
I think I'm going to take a long shower. I'll probably fall asleep in it. I like long hot showers. Long baths are great. So are hot tubs. I like immersing myself in hot water. The ultimate bathing experience are those hot springs in japan. Unbelievable how relaxing that was. You feel hot and relaxed for hours afterwards.

What's Love?

I don't love many people. I love my parents (it's filial piety), I'm ashamed to admit I don't really love my siblings (it's complicated), I love my dog (it's really easy, she's uncomplicated), I love one or two of my friends (even more complicated). I also love an obese fifty year old woman at my work. Let's call her Elizabeth.
I've known her for four years, and as time passes I've become more attached to her, even though by the world's standards she's unlovely. I'm not writing this to make myself sound good, or to stroke my ego, I'm just trying to understand my feelings for her. She's very kind, and has a meek spirit. She smells like a mouse cage on hot days and patchouli on cool days. She's a practicing Wiccan. I admire her though, she was raised in an abusive house and now has a number of health ailments. Elizabeth has a ready wit, and it's always a pleasure to banter with her. It's like Shakespeare when we talk, we pile entendre on top of entendre, we exchange barbs that do not sting. We are constantly kidding with each other, if she were not married and if she were not an obese firty year old woman a person could mistake our banter as heavy flirting. But it's innocent and honest. I watch out of her at work, she watches out for me. I value my friendship with her more then any other relationship (except for one, and my parents don't really count cuz they're my parents). She's taught me to be tolerant and loving to people who are entirely dissimilar to myself. I don't approve of her religion, but I can't hate her for it. I love her, as odd as that sounds. I can't help myself. If I didn't know her, and I walked into the bookstore and saw her I'd file her under "fat silly woman". But I know her, and I love her. Love covers a multitude of flaws, it makes us blind.

It also helps us to see.

Joy in Music

Recently the band U2 visited the HP Pavilion in San Jose. Since I'm poor I really couldn't afford any tickets and they disapeared faster then....something, insert your own metaphor here. Anyways here's an excerpt from a review by David Barton that appeared in the Sac Bee:
" It's a dangerous position to be in, in a culture that too often embraces a wanton materialism and scoff at idealists, or professes cramped ideals they want to impose on everyone else. But U2 matters to the faithful because they embrace the essence of religion and rock'n'roll at their betst: unfettered joy. From its beginnings 50 years ago, rock music was about joy, about the expression of the spirit that transcended its early subject matter of dancing and driving and boys and girls hooking up.
Rock music, to those who know and love it, is about reaching for moments where everyone involved-singer,band,and audience- feels a greater passion, a greater community, a greater love. U2 matter because, no matter what's going on in the world as reflected in their songs-war,famine,torture,addiction- they address and inspire a human spirit that transcends those struggles.
And when they step on a stage, they seem to bring their considerable powers to bear on creating a moment when the whole world feels the same profound, transcendent-and blissfully sweaty-joy."

It's a good article if you can track it down. What interested me the most was the idea of trascendence which the writer brought up. Good art transcends societal, linguistical, cultural, racial, and gender barriers; it's instantly approachable and immediately memorable. I want to make good art. Good art is about joy, happiness, love. I believe negative feelings about sadness and death can also be expressed in a joyful manner. I think joy is when your spirit rises to your throat and all you can think about is the profoundness of the emotion you're feeling. You may cry or laugh or do both. Or you may simply just smile and feel utterly content with what you've just witnessed.... It transcends all other emotions, joy does, and there's as many shapes of joy as there are of color. It's transcendence..... it's like touching the divine, the holy. When humans make art (whether it be writing, dancing, painting or whatever) it's us worshipping God, whether we realize it or not. The best art captures this, and that is why the best sorta art transcends.

White Red Bloo

Felicitous 4th!

Stroke The Ego

Howdy Ya'all

I'm not going to even pretend that anyone is going to read this, rather I think I'm just going to use this as a journal of sorts. To anyone who stumbles on this, a warning: One of my flaws is that when I'm writing I just WRITE.... That is I don't think about it...... My little internal censor takes a holiday and I express myself without thinking of how I sound or if I'm coming off as a nutter.

*Shrugs*

So then.... I've been in a very foul mood recently. I just got back from checking out Wheaton ( a school in Illinois) which I want to get into very badly. I don't think I quite cut the mustard though. I'm very insecure when it comes to my future (not to mention my relationships with other people, I can't tell you the last normal friendship I've had, I have an uncanny knack to make things "weird"). I like "sure" things, things that aren't in doubt. I need things to be defined and clear so I know how to act, and I'm about to start a process that will require a fair amount of emotional involvement. I'm very afraid. It's also very hot here where I live so that isn't helping my mood any. I need to get out of my hometown, I feel/think that I'm stagnating.

On the upside my writings have taking a fruitious turn.... I'm starting to tackle some source material on museum collection protocols and museum curatorial work that I hope will give me enough of a boost to start my LB in earnest.